I have no more tears left to cry...


Today has been a rough day emotionally for me. One of my classmates announced that he was dropping out of The Iron Yard due to health reasons. He was leaving The Iron Yard and heading home to seek medical treatment. Then he left class to go home to pack...

Class went on, then it was lunch time. Then it was lab time, then it was homework time, then it time to attend the Greenville JavaScript Meetup. Then it was time to go home, and finish working on my homework. I say all this to say that life continued to go on, and I continued to do what I needed to do. However when I walked into the front door of my apartment, it hit me like a ton of bricks that my friend was gone.

I began thinking about him...

His goals and aspirations were simular to mine, he was working hard everyday like the rest of us. Life just delt him a bad hand I guess, life can really suck sometimes. He had plans for his future that he talked about often, much like I do. Out of the blue illness struck him. He is a trooper, and at best this will just be a speed bump on his journey. I beleive in him and I beleive that he will still achive every one of his goals.

While thinking about how much he had impacted my life in the six short weeks I knew him I began to cry. I cried for my friend freely and unashamedly. I cried like a little child. I wished that there was something that I could do to help him, but there is nothing that I can think to do. I felt so helpless in that moment. The only thing that I can do is pray for him, which I will do.

I began to think of how fraigle life is, and how thankful and grateful I am to be here at The Iron Yard. To be here in good health, thankful that my baby girl is in good health. Thankful that despite my problems, nothing has has caused me to have to leave The Iron Yard.

I am also thankful for everyone of my classmates, they have really become like family to me. It took my friend leaving suddenly for me to realize how important these people are to me. It took my firend leaving for me to realize how much he impacted my life in a positive way. Had I known that he would have only been here with me for six weeks I would have spent more time with him. I took the time we had together for granted to a certain extent.

I have made so many assumptions, I assumed that we would all be here together for 12 weeks and we'd all leave together. It never even crossed my mind that anything diffrent would happen. I see things in a diffrent perspective now, in a number of areas of my life. My friend added a ton of stability to my life, it is diffrent to (naw, scratch that... it's down right weird) to be away from everyone and everything that I know and love. I spend my days with people whom I've only known for 6 weeks. My friend's sudden depature showed me how important these poeple are to me, (and how important his friendship is to me) and how much I lean on classmates emotionally. (maybe even moreso how much I NEED them)...

I am drained emotionally right now, and my eyes hurt from crying. I miss my friend and classmate. He left me a gift and a note thanking me for my friendship and telling me how much he beleived in me. Even while facing a personal emergency, he was thinking about somone else. It rocked me to my core that he took the time to think about me.

As a EMT with nearly 2 decades experience under my belt, you'd think I'd handle this better. I understand that people get sick, it's called life. However it's never easy to accept, and it's harder when it's someone you know. However I will say a prayer for my friend (it would be wonderful if you would say one for him also), I will go to bed and tomorrow I will love the people around me, and cheerish the time I have with them. I will be thankful to be in the fight yet another day. I will think of my friend often, and I will continue to push forward and learn all I can while I can.

This is the most personal thing I have ever shared on the internet. I'm not even sure what propmted me to start typing, but I am glad I did. In retrospect maybe I should have titled this post: "The Gift of Friendship".

Until Next Time...

Jay Wilson Jr.

Did you know: Jay is a Emergency Medical Technician & Front-End Developer. He enjoys spending time with his daughter and learning new stuff. He likes to make people laugh and is a all around cool guy.

Bedford, Va.